Many of us are Jerry McGuire fans. I know when I first saw this movie, the thought of such an attractive bachelor falling in love with the single mom was like a fairy tale come true. One scene that comes to mind is when Jerry (Tom Cruise) gets out of bed and trips over the toys lying all over the floor of Dorothy Boyd's (Renee Zellweger) bedroom the morning after their first date. Yeah, how I wish I had a man like Tom Cruise tripping all over my bedroom half naked.
Although there are many memorable scenes in this film, the one that I recall everytime I encounter, forgive me for the lack of a better word, a JERK, especially being a single mom, is the scene in which Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding Jr.) is talking to Jerry about his relationship to Dorothy. He starts off by asking Jerry how his relationship is going and progresses to asking right out, "Do you love her?" When Jerry gives a half ass response, well, and I quote:
 |
| "I didn't shoplift the Pootie!!" |
Rod Tidwell: I feel for you, man. But a real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie from a single mom.
Jerry Maguire: I didn't shoplift the pootie.
[Rod gives him a long Look]
Jerry Maguire: All right. I shoplifted the pootie.
You would hope in the real world guys would live by this code. But unfortunately-they don't. There are many guys that actually prey on single moms because they know how vulnerable some of us can be. That is why we have to be very careful how soon we introduce our children to our potential suitors and keep a lookout for tell tale signs that we have come face to face with a POOTIE SHOPLIFTER.
So, what are some of these tell tale signs? Girrrrrrrrrrl, listen up-
Tell tale sign NUMERO UNO: When the question comes up of whether or not he's in a relationship he replies, "I'm in the middle of an ugly divorce."
Girrrrrrl....this is a bad sign. I'm not trying to say that all guys going through a divorce are bad news, but 7 out of 10.6 times, he is still living at home with wifey by his side. If this comes up, it may be best to slow things down and remain friends WITHOUT the benefits. If he's really into you and if he's really getting divorced, he will need time to get through the actual process and then rebound back into real relationship mode. Divorce isn't easy and regardless of the circumstances around it, both parties end up hurt and vulnerable. Sometimes people need to fill the void and unintentionally pull other people in to fill that void. The last thing you want to become is the rebound girl. And keep in mind-the best relationships are those based on friendship. If you both develop a friendship while he is getting through the divorce, you'll be laying some solid groundwork. Again-NO POOTIE!!!
Second tell tale sign: He is really busy and only has time to see you after 9 pm.
Girrrrrrrrrrl....are you serious? This is a bad sign. If he's that busy at work or with his kids, then he's too busy to commit to a serious relationship. The man has to make time to see you during daylight hours. Only vampires come out at night, and as the rule goes with vampires-They can't come into your house unless you invite them in. Any "date" that takes place after 9 pm and consists of "hanging out" at your place isn't a date...it's a booty call. An actual date consists of dinner, lunch...a movie...a walk at the park....cuddling at your place only happens after the guy has earned this privilege. That's right, I used the word "earned." You're worth the hard work, so don't let any vampire come over to simply drain the life out of you. Make him work.
Third tell tale sign: 87.4% of conversations have to do with sex.
Girrrrrrrrrrl...if all he can come up with is, "How was your day? So how you doin'? and sexual innuendos....this is a baaaaaaaah-d sign. I once dated a guy who would only talk about sports and how big his di** was. Truth be told, I went for it. And well, he had every right to be proud of his manaconda, HOWEVER-I realized pretty quickly that he was a pootie shoplifter. Learn from my mistakes, ladies. Curiousity killed the pussy, er...cat.
Okay, one more tell tale sign that you're dealing with a pootie shoplifter: HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND.
GIRRRRRRRRRRRL-do you really think he's going to leave her? C'mon!! (lol) Trust me, when he says his girl is "crazy", that he's been trying to break it off with her, that he's "confused"....he is a POOTIE SHOPLIFTER!!! He's not going to leave his girlfriend or wife for that matter. In fact, he's setting you up. By telling you upfront that he's in a relationship, he's basically laying the foundatio so that when you finally realize he's been playin' you, he can say, "But you knew all along. I never lied to you. You were fine with it in the beginning. I was being honest the whole time..." Mhmmm...See, there's a difference between tell tale sign number one and tell tale sign number four-in the first scenario the guy is lying about his status. In this scenario he is outright telling you he's in a relationship, well, an alleged rocky relationship. Again, you deserve so much better than to be somebody's side dish or mistress. If a guy tells you he's in a relationship but plans to break up eventually and/or he's just waiting for the right time-girl, that's a sign that you need to move on. Again, if you think he's a catch, then wait it out until he's officially single and has had some time to be on his own. NO POOTIE!!
I'm sure there are more tell tale signs out there either I couldn't think of at this exact moment but will remember later. Or perhaps you have your own tell tale signs you would like to share with other women. Feel free to share your thoughts or personal anecdotes by commenting below. If you know any other women who may need to read this don't forget you can share it with them on facebook and twitter.
Who said it's a man's world?
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